Thus begins another series of pre-dawn posts...

hopefully somewhat more restrained this go round

to tell you the truth, i've been meditating on being single. farking blows, your humble author here is still not sufficiently able to cope with the fact that his latest ex is- in fact- his ex.

oh woe and meloncholy, envelop me

such a grand thing that we do...
i swear we learn our lessons on love through the mirror of hindsight alone, which is not to say that i wasn't aware of how much i loved when she was still a regular presence here. it's just that...

it's just that in the aftermath of last night's debaucheries i seem to have embarked on a meloncholy drunk and can't get my mind off someone who inspired me to all sorts of poetic heights and made the vast majority of my moments sparkle with wild irradecence

maybe it's because i jest {typo that i'll leave} 'reconciled' with a different ex, actually the one immediately preceding the girl whose absence i lament.. said reconciliation involving the reclamation of certain articles of 'my shit' and the consumption of various substances, some small talk and a viewing of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory..

{good movie by the way, Johnny Depp is brilliant, and it's a fairly sadistic reading of the old story, which the jester enjoys}

at any rate

{forgive me, i'm forever striving to find a new definiton of revelant}

spending time with the ex prior to the one whose absence is here being lamented was bizarre, especially as it took place in an apartment where i was once known to reside, and sadly said period of time would have to qualify as a low in the jester's history

which of course leads quite logically into contemplation of time spent in the presence of the female creature, and ruminations on a low simply must be offset by ruminations on the high {human consciousness seeking homeostasis as do all things} which is meditation on the ex

oddly enough the last time i saw here was the day {about a month ago} when i finally wrenched up my motivations and took her pictures down, she called out of the blue and a few hours later was standing in my apartment

i gave her back her tool shirt that i'd found a week or so before and hadn't gotten around to calling to report, and we chatted, maybe even a couple hours, felt like old times for a second, except i was sitting there, being that creature that i was when i was around her, acting in close accordance to the inner dictates of that person that i always thought i was and wanted to be, and she was there, so close.....

and out of reach

i'll turn twenty-eight in a few days and since it's now thanksgiving i guess i'm thankful that i finally found someone who could break my heart

if it can be done then that means love is real...
just wish it was still here with me

the finite jester again refuses to comment, except to say that he'll be back and in a better mood before you know it... i'm hard at work ingesting substances to insure it! ha ha